Positive Thoughts

I am currently sitting with a ridiculous face wrap around my head, squeezing my chins. I read online that this may help get rid of at least one of my chins. My theory is that it helps because it prevents you from opening your mouth, which means you can’t eat, consequently lessening the number of chins you have. I am sure you can imagine how I look, probably twice as goofy than you are thinking right now.

If you were here with me, you would be wearing one too.

The last week felt long and heavy and I can only imagine how it was for my A, X and M.

I was at my house last weekend but working in Nashville through the week. I had a drive back home on Saturday to spend time with X and M.

I have been practicing this week on my poly gel skills so that I can become a professional and have all my kids nails looking fabulous. I am getting much better at it. I have ordered new colors and an electric drill. I can’t wait to show A, she is going to be so excited.

I was able to spend time with X and M rollerblading. Nothing seems complete without all three of my children together. I am going to be taking A’s roller blades to our next visit and if we have to skate through the smelly hallways of the DCS office, that’s what we will do.

I will be working on my tiny house and building that. My daughter A has one that she too is going to be working on. It is the closest we can get to doing them side by side for now, until this is all over.

This week I ate out and we had crab. Anytime I eat out or hell eat in, I think about what my littles are eating that night, or had eaten the night before. I cannot wait to be back to where I can cook for my family.

My sister has my oldest daughter kidnapped and the abuse is so disturbing. There are so many people fighting and working and pushing for things to change; for my children to be safe.

This week I thought a lot about the house I own and bought with my three children just a year and a half ago. I work three hours from this house but have been living in limbo not knowing what the future holds. Fortunately I am going to have a place here by my work soon to live in through this mess. I am going to be able to rent my home out to someone that I know, keeping the house for the future as a rental property. This would mean this is my first investment property and I look forward to having many more. I am saving and saving for every trip, vacation and experience my children want to do or have when they get home. I feel good about renting the house as I cannot imagine selling it during this; I never want any reason for my children to feel any more sad through this than they already do.

I cannot wait to have my children home and for us to plan so many things together. I look forward to a new home, a new start and making memories. I know it is going to take years to get over the trauma my children are going through at the hands of my evil sister, but I know that we will get through it.

I have put some photos of me and my babies in frames for my office. I will be hanging those in there this week.

I am going to lay my head down now and cry before I go to sleep… something I do most nights. I have to get the tears out so that I can stand strong for the next day. I wish that I could have rubbed each one of my kids backs and put them to sleep reminding them how much I love them. I will be able to do that soon enough though and I am sure of that.

“I love you.

You are my favorite, don’t tell the others.”

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